today is my birthday, i woke up slightly wigged out because i was thinking, "holy ****, wasn't i supposed to spend this year seriously thinking about sprogging or whether or not my soon-to-be-forty-more-sooner-than-later-menopausal body could handle it" or something like that, and realised, no i hadn't thought about it much, too busy acting like a child than wanting one, crap, i'm gonna die alone in a house on a cul-de-sac that no one wants to visit at halloween because it's creepy and smells like bus fumes and bacon. oh, yeah, and my dogs will eat me when i'm dead. so of course, that left me askew and askance today, on top of the fact that we celebrated my birthday with a party that was technically a baby shower for tinette, but really that was just a disguise for the fact that i wanted an all pink buffet for some sort of retrograde amelie-esque nest magazine think pink flamingoes sort of affair. so i'm surrounded by all this baby stuff and pregnant girls much much younger than me, and i have to explain to people no it's not a shower for me, it's for the woman with the 10-toilet square sized waist (it's a shower game thing), yeah it's my birthday but we're not celebrating it yeah all the drinks are pink so's the food, yeah the sushi isn't spoiled it really *is* pink, need a beer yet 'cause i do....

anyway, about an hour into the party, maui asked me how old i was and i said "38" to which she was taken aback, because, despite my haggard appearance and courtney love-britney spears stressy acney immature bad skin bad clothing choices lifestyle, i actually do look about five years younger, at least ten on the mainland (thank you prematurely ageing caucasians!). and then my mom said, uh, no, you dolt, you're 37.

i am??

i am!!

*phew*. okay, guess i don't hafta think about that breeding thing just now.